Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
