We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
