His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
