Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
and you fell through a lawn chair
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
