There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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