I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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