Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
