You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The struggles of a small town man whore
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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