Can i not drive my cunt home
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's rum buckets o'clock
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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