3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you win again, gameday.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
