just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
