she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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