They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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