are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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