Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
