the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
this beer tastes like vomit already
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize