C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
