got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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