can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
