Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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