Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
