Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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