I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
