When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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