I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
