I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
