He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
not ubering you a puppy
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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