I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Randomize
