bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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