Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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