HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
