I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
