His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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