Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
