my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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