party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
