If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
