I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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