I heard we made out
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize