Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
They have beer where we have blood.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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