I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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