Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
