This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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