it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize