Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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