wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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