You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
