You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
