Got a toothbrush?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
