My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
