Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
