I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
