Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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