I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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