How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
