if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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