I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
