you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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