Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
