My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
