Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
