he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
