The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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