CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
