How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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