New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize