I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
