I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
