i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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