His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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